I was listed on the Nigerian Twitter

I can still remember that day when Funke pinged me.  I looked at my Blackberry Bold wondering if she had gone mad. What what all the drama about ? "Babe what's up ?" I asked. Funke's reply shocked me "Mide you don dey trend for twitter ooo lwkmd ".  I laughed and logged on my Twitter for BB app. My mentions were popping. "Sexy chic", "Nice avi" "Omo toh shan" "Madam Bangable" "Luvly lipz". I kept thanking everyone who tweeted at me, wondering what was going on. I can swear I gained 500 followers that day. I had to take a good look at my avi. Ok..Make I talk true...My boobs were out (well just a bit...it's hard to hide double D's mehn), My make up was cute and those Rihanna curls I got made me look very attractive. In fact, I had to admire myself. The compliments didn't get to my head fast enough as I thought I was being pranked. Anyways...The compliments kept on coming. My BBM went wild. I would walk down the streets of Lagos and total strangers would hail me.  I received correct washing for two good weeks. I never realized I was listed...

After I thought the whole issue had died down, something else happened. Ayo pinged me for the very first time since I added him on my BB. Ayo was my twitter crush. He was so good looking...My God...Anytime I saw him tweet, I would zoom in on his avi. His smile..those abs...those muscles...everything about him just made my pata drop. I sigh! My crush on him was so deep. I longed to meet him. "Sisi nene, bawo ni" he added a wink to that message. I felt like my heart just sank. In fact, my heart was beating to the rhythm of Sarkodie's Azonto Fiesta song. "I'm fine o, u nko ?" I didn't want to give him the impression that I liked him. I and Ayo got talking. To cut a long story short,we decided to meet each other at Eko Hotel and Suites. We met and believe me I wasn't disappointed. He looked even much better in person. After our friendly chat, he offered to drop me off. This guy dropped me off and didn't even touch me. Talk less of making an attempt to kiss me. Na wa o.I thought to myself "What a gentleman". We told each other bye and agreed on seeing each other the next day. We dated oooo for like a month.  I was beginning to run out of patience. You know when Benin guys say "This girl's waist dey hot" ? Mine was overheating. Enough was enough. I called Ayo and invited him to come watch a movie at my place. He accepted the invitation and came over.

As usual we talked and laughed. When the movie ended, I begged him to stay with me..I told him was scared since my roommate had gone to see her parents in Enugu. Trust me, I no dey carry last na...I went to switch off  the tv and "accidentally" lost one of my contact lenses, so I had to bend down select. To cut another long story short, I and Ayo had sex. It was beyond good. We did 4 rounds. At that point in time I didn't care about making use of a condom. It had been a long while since I had unprotected sex. It felt like the very first time. "Let yourself flow" Ayo kept whispering in my ears. I turned into the freak I have always been. Hmmm, after the 4th session...I was exhausted. We cuddled and joked around. He commented my performance, I commented his...We finally fell asleep.

When I woke up, Ayo was nowhere to be found. I saw a note on his pillow which stated " BANG ONE OF THE BANGABLES, CHECK".  Mesmerized, I  called his phone, no reply. I searched his twitter, he had blocked me. I tried BBM, he had deleted me. An entire week went by...I was thinking of how to get over that incident when I started noticing a thick yellow ish fluid coming out of my private part...


this story is a parody. 


  1. Oh wow Sharon, nice one but ur imagination is out of this word.

  2. hahahahaha @ " BANG ONE OF THE BANGABLES, CHECK"... Nice one yet again!

  3. Sezxual everywhere! Come on!
    And then an STD? COME ON!!!!


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