Finding the right man: what (most) women fail to realize

Dear AFM reader,

This evening is one of those evenings where I sit on the couch...legs crossed...long loose oversized glasses...and a chilled cup of orange juice. What am I doing ? Everyone's asleep. I'm just here thinking about my next moves, what to blog about...How to keep you all coming back and wondering: what has The Alpha Female got to say to us today ? Well...I have a lot to say today. I was randomly surfing the web when I found myself looking through wedding pictures and engagements videos. "Oh my gosh, this is so cute !" is what I would tell myself. It didn't take long for this one question to pop up: Who, rather "what", is the right man for me ? Thinking it through I had my list of requirements getting longer and longer by the hour. You couldn't blame me for wanting the perfect man, rather the perfect relationship or better still the perfect marriage.

 In a perfect world, I would never have any arguments with my partner, only jokes and laughter will be shared. 

In a perfect world, I and my partner would make the best team because everything about us will be about working together. Building the home of our dreams.

In a perfect world, I would share the same ambitions with my significant other. I'll support him with everything I have. And he would reciprocate the favour.

But that's where dreams stop. I descend from my cloud of imagination and here I  am...back on earth were reality bites me in the neck. "Wake up! Life is all about fighting to get a minimum piece of heaven here." So I'm here...Having Iyanya's "I got it" on repeat for the past half hour. The hard truth is: the perfect man doesn't exist. But the right man does. I had to wonder why most women, including me, refer to men as dogs. Could it be the past failed relationships? Or the things we hear ? The things we see ? The illusion we want to embrace ? 

Every woman has that list of requirements. Most men would refer to it as unrealistic because the average woman would want her husband to be a charitable billionaire. Unbeatable shoe game? Designer's clothes (only) ? A roof over her head ? (thereby referring to a mansion) ? Make up zone à la Française ? Enough money to feed 5 generations ? All these things are equal to one thing: COMFORT. That's the only thing a woman truly wants. Comfort on it's own is an expensive luxury with different forms and levels. 

In our search to find comfort, we create an illusion. A man is comfort. Think of it this way, a man is by nature required to protect a woman and cater for her needs. His job is to satisfy her ( sex, shelter,...) in every sense of the word satisfaction. If a man fails to do so, the woman wouldn't perform her role as a help meet. That's when problems come in.

In other to acquire this luxury, women chase the bad guys. Why do something this ignorant ? For the mere reason that the bad guy gives us the illusion that they can protect us. In other words, they can give us what we want: comfort. Look at it this way. A nice guy usually comes of as someone who's soft and doesn't know how to handle the "thing".  A bad guy, on the other hand, is the kind of man you look at and probably think: "Damn! this nigga got it all". The truth is, he doesn't. And because he doesn't have it all,  he hurts you. He hurts us. And God forbidding evil, we continue to date and break up with bad guys till Thy Kingdom come. At the end of the day, we have nothing else to say than: men are dogs. We gave them all we had, everything we could possible give...but at the end of the day, they  pissed on our expensive shoes. Such is life, darling. Nothing good comes easy. 

Meanwhile the good guy is there, standing in the corner with his bouquet of roses slowly withering away. And when those roses die, the good guy disappears with the wind. And we're just there crying ourselves to sleep, talking about: "There's no man out there for me" Such is life, darling. Nothing good comes easy. Opportunity is offered, but never given freely. 

Out of society's constant nagging about "the right age to get married", we end up with substitutes for Mr Right. All this leads to a shattered home and middle aged mothers coming together in a living room to discuss how men are dogs and the perfect treatment for their constant cheating and misappreciation. 

And the tradition is handed over to our daughters. "Mommy, Tony broke my heart"
The circle never breaks.

The bottom line is: the right man isn't subject to our list of requirements. Hard truth, I know. No, I probably will not end up marrying a billionaire. And you won't either. The Right Man for you and I is the one who understand us, loves us and cares about us for who we are. Accepts us when we are at our worst and cherishes us at our best. His financial status doesn't define his being a man in any way whatsoever. Unless you want to end up being a millionaire's side hoe. You are on your own for that. I laugh.  

Mr Right could be right under your nose. Hey...maybe that single "best" friend of yours could be the one. 

Who knows ? You might make him the richest man tomorrow. 

Never expect much of life. Only then will life surprise you with the most beautiful gifts.

Love always, 

The Alpha Female.

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  1. Nice one dear Keep it up.Your writings are creative and inspiring. :). n

  2. Creative! Makes U always want to read more. (Y)


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