Croque and Apples...

Croque and Apples...

Valentine’s is a day when love is meant to be celebrated and cherished. Nowadays, that’s not the case anymore.  Valentine’s is now about who got the best gift and the biggest bouquet of flowers. Every damn year… No gift, no roses, no love text. Was it just me or did my relationships never last   up to a year?   I hated the idea of falling in love. Especially since Samson and I broke up on a very bad note. I really can’t explain what I feel for him right now… Is it hate, contempt or just anger that would fade away with time? Whenever my mind wandered over to memories of us together, I couldn’t remember anything he did right. It all boiled down to that huge fight we had. I knew that was a sign that I would never set my eyes on him again. February 14th…

“Yvonne! Babe! Put your freakum dress on! We turning up tonight!”

Fanny called me that morning and asked me if I wanted to join her for a drink.  Fanny is my best friend. Sometimes I wonder how she does it. She’s never stressed over a guy. I mean she could care less about what a guy does, as long as she got her own share of the gain she was good to go. I jokingly told her that she must have been a man in her past life. Break up today, tomorrow a new guy head over hills for her.  She would tell me about her escapades  and I’d just be there asking myself just one question: where’s my own fun? I stayed indoors all day in my peignoir. I didn’t have to be sexy for anyone except myself.  Listening to BeyoncĂ© and just thinking about all the things that  I could have done better as a person. I mean I wasn’t perfect. I was tired of being called innocent.  It’s as if every guy I was in relationship with held me to a standard of perfection. I’m always ‘amazing’ till I make one mistake, then all of sudden I turn into someone who is mentally challenged…  Someone is meant for the psychiatric ward… Delusional, maybe? I’m in this house half naked because I’m vulnerable and I can’t guard that one thing that keeps me alive: my heart. With each passing day I ask myself how got involved in all of this crap. Why was I constantly attracting this kind of drama? Baby girl, you can’t survive like this… I got up and went straight to the shower. I took my time, let the water drip down my body… I liked being alone, with no one violating my body with lust… I closed my eyes and wandered down the memory lane of happiness…love and passion.

What dress was I going to wear? I didn’t even know if I was heading off to a bar or to a club. God help Fanny if she takes me to the club. The club is the last place to find peace of mind and sane people. I hate the noise. I hate the violence.  I hate the music that doesn’t bring you anywhere close to love. It’s all just sick passion to me… But hey! That’s what my generation likes. I sat down in confusion on my bed. I mean…  I may not have been completely in love with him yet  but at least I liked him genuinely. And I just needed a little bit of time to fall for him…But he couldn’t give me that, could he? I guess he didn’t realize how strong words are… If our tongues were a gun, 90% of us humans might be dead  by now. I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself.  Fanny would be here any minute from now… I wore my red dress, red lips, neutral eyes… Betsy barked as I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked amazing… I felt amazing. I smiled at myself… God took his time on you, baby girl.

The bell rang. I wore my heels, grabbed my keys and caressed Betsy good bye.   I opened the door and there he was. Samson.  I was confused and before I could ask him what the hell he was doing in my house , he went on his knees.

- Yvonne, please just hear me out 
- What?!
- Look, we were both wrong and I was the greatest fault. I still love and care about you. I mean you’re one in a million
- Oh so now I’m one in a million? I wasn’t one in a million when you called me names right…F*ck out of here
- Baby, please just listen to me.  I had no right to say what I said. I didn’t understand you then and that’s entirely my fault 
- You didn’t understand me then? So now, you will understand me?
- I’m sorry…Yvonne…I’m sorry 
- Sorry? You don’t know what being sorry is all about
- Listen….I can…I’m sorry. We can start all over again, I mean you’re here now. We can start all over
- Just shut up
- I know… I…
- You don’t know anything. Do you know how I felt? Do you know how words hurt?! You ran over me like a piece of rag.  I was just jealous, I was just being human… You didn’t have to judge me. called me crazy. And you have the nerve to talk about starting all over again. I wouldn’t date you even if you had the last standing dick in this planet. Get up and leave! Just get the entire f*ck out  of here!

I was so angry, I tried shutting my door but he resisted my efforts. I expected him to leave but he kept pressing on.  The leftover anger I had towards him just took over my sense of reasoning. So many things I wish I had said that day, I said them in the moment. Betsy didn’t even bark, she was just staring us. I kept on ranting, I was so tired and emotionally exhausted. Samson kept saying he was sorry… I mean after 6 months. He suddenly pinned me to the wall and kept whispering  “Just calm down baby…I won’t hurt you”. I was glued to the wall, I tried pushing him away but he was stronger than me.  I couldn’t resist him anymore, I burst in tears and started hyperventilating. I had enough of my emotions… He saw my tears and told me not to cry. “Calm down” he kept whispering. He finally found my medicine. Samson kissed me…my lips, my neck…pause…”I love you, Yvonne”. At that point, my anger went away and the warm feeling took over me. I was finally able to remember the good times we had… He finally found my medicine… He…I kissed him back and looked into his eyes… The first time met… he bought me an apple…  The first time we kissed… He bit my lip accidentally…

- I won’t do it again, I promise…

He carried me to bed. Hmmm…The rest is a tale of romance, passion and chocolate covered strawberries…

- The Alpha Female


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