My Boyfriend, My Bride

My Boyfriend, My Bride

It’s a beautiful morning in Miami. I’m just here…enjoying the view of the sunset. My cup of mint tea keeps me calm. I’m just wondering where I went wrong as a person who loved wholeheartedly. All I did, I did out of the kindness of my heart. I’m sitting here wondering how to avoid the usual talk with my mom and friends. “Sylvia, you need to settle down”.  I’ve been down on love lately.  I have so much to say but person who would listen to me? The one person who could is nowhere to be found.  There is this bliss in being away from the entire world and not having to deal with the noise people make. Yes…I don’t have to deal with his noise anymore.  It seems as if the older I get, the more I realize that I’m best left alone. I simply function a lot better when I’m single than when I’m in a relationship.   If I could change everything overnight…  I just might do it.

I met him about 4 years ago. Bayo… but everyone called him Prince. When Prince walked into my world he stared at me with such intensity that  it made me lose my breath.  He knew he had  found me. All I could do was exhale in relief because I was finally found. I shrugged off the moment and came to reality.  The party was becoming lively  and I had to get in the mix. After dancing the night away, I strolled outside for fresh air and there he was waiting for me.  He introduced himself as Prince. I rolled my eyes and told myself "not another prince".  Prince was this cool and smooth type of guy that possessed a hidden intensity. He gave me hope that there was still good in this world. We connected on every level: spiritually, mentally and physically... On a level I had never known. There were no questions or doubts between us. We were two souls dwelling together and we brought each other peace.

One night our peace came to a screeching halt. I can still hear the thundering crash of the car collusion. It was all a blur, a nightmare I wanted to wake up from. Prince was struggling as a result of the accident he had where he lost his closest friend who so happened to be like a brother to me. The grief brought us closer together. Prince was injured, I took care of him and understood what he was going through. Everyone only understood his physical pain but I knew his emotional travail.  He was slow at times but I stayed with him and made sure he got better.  His family and friends grew impatient and just wanted him to be normal Prince again. I watched him go through his in his darkest hours but never gave up hope.  I don’t know what attracted me to him but I knew I was hooked. He wasn't perfect, but he was my home, where my soul could rest. Prince treated me like a queen. He couldn’t give but he gave me that emotional care that keeps every woman going.  Our intimacy was passionate, our words were honest, we were all about each other.  His friends would scold him about the amount of attention he was giving me but he kept on going till he went back to Nigeria for NYSC.  I think… Yes, that’s where I lost him. I had convinced myself that the distance couldn’t break us up but I was wrong…obviously.

I remember that day vividly.  I had just gotten out of the shower and I was about to prepare myself for work when he called me with an unknown number. He was back in Atlanta. I was confused because he didn’t inform me he would be back at that time. Before I could ask any questions, he hung up on me. I didn’t know if he was just playing or actually angry at me. I got dressed and went to work. Signing, agreeing, disagreeing…  I came back home just to find my door slightly opened. Sweet music playing in the background, I dropped my bag on the ground and walked down the hallway. He was there, looking through the window in his suit. I smiled. The champagne, and just one rose… I already knew what it meant. He turned around and walked towards me. I felt I was facing a stranger but I convinced myself it was because I hadn’t seen him in a while. He kissed me gently and whispered: “ I’m home, Sylvia”.  He carried me to my room. Prince undressed himself quickly without taking his eyes off me for a second.  His eyes were similar to that of a lion ready to devour its prey. He handled my body with so much force that I had to push him away. I walked out of the room in tears. He didn’t care for my body, let alone, my soul. The connection we had while making love had disappeared. Before, we could care less about what was around us. We took our time. Why was he rushing it? I was disappointed. I wore my robe and dried my tears. I wanted him so badly that my body was screaming for his touch but my anger towards him violating our bond wouldn't just let me. Before he left for Nigeria, the sex was about being honest and not hiding anything. It was so right... We didn't have to try or be freaky. It was intense...As if we knew each other for years....  Sex was like home but I just couldn't open up to him anymore because I was destroyed.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just…I just don’t know you anymore. We aren’t innocent anymore, Prince”

“This is exactly my problem with you…”

I never thought I would see that day. He picked a fight with me.  He said a lot of things that I can’t remember simply because I was too busy trying to figure out this new person talking.  He wore his clothes and left. Whoever they were… they had gotten him…I wasn't disgusted at him.  I just wanted what I had been waiting for,  for over a year.  Prince promised he wouldn’t let this happen.  He promised he would stay with me but he let outsiders into our relationship. His family finally convinced him to marry from a political family just to save the family name. Could greed be this powerful? I sat in my living room with the images being displayed continuously in my head: the line-up of rich political women just waiting for him to make his decision. I couldn’t care about that because I had my own. I wanted to forgive him but I couldn't because I had so much anger towards all that was going on.

I gave what I could out of the kindness of my heart. I was there when I needed to be there but somehow we lost it all.  I went from being a queen to being a crazy b*tch as he puts it. I’m being called desperate for what? I personally made sure he was okay, when Prince was broken I was there to put him back together. I basically dusted him off not because I had the means to do so but because I cared. I’m torn between saying men are the new brides and completely not understanding the situation. They’re telling him that love means nothing, marry and expand the family empire…They’re encouraging him to cheat. The ideology of polygamy would maximize his gain... It’s as if having the props of being a husband in the Nigerian society means fitting in a mold… I lowered my standards to please him… I lowered my standards for the sake of pleasing them. Now I am broken….and he’s nowhere to be found to make me whole again.


- The Alpha Female

Comments

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