Oh, Ese! Today, I'm actually angry at myself.  I'm mad at myself because I keep letting these type of things happen to me. I could be happy right now but I choose not to be. I'm angry because I let people into my head  and they eventually end up messing up my God given mentality. Sometimes...Just sometimes... I blame my folks for this. I mean, these two spent their entire time fighting themselves that they forgot to teach me how to love and who not to love. The bible was my only friend at the time. I was young. This book gave me the picture of what ideal love should look and feel like. Songs of Solomon made me  yearn for a man who would adore and study every little detail of my body. Meanwhile Proverbs 31 listed the sacrifices I had to make in order to love. I was and still am angry. There is a vacuum within me waiting to be filled with something worthwhile. This vacuum is so deep that even my greatest ambitions cannot fill it up. When I love, I love too much. When I care, I care too much. When I refrain from hurting someone, they end up hurting me with that same thing I told myself I wouldn't do to them. It all ends up biting me. My conscience is my worst enemy...It sucks the fun out of my evil desires. I have so much love to give but to  who? Greg, Victor, Will, Tony... I gave them all I could. I put more down on the table even before I was asked. I'm lying here next to Tobi wondering if he is just pretending to be what I need or... Could he be the one? I am filled with so many question marks but yet this night's episode keeps replaying in my head.

Yesterday was one of the most random days of my life. I woke up not having anything to do except taking a shower and eating a bowl of cereal. I checked my phone and no text from Tobi. Absolutely nothing. I debated with my heart: do I text this moron or not? I called him a moron because he hardly ever had my time. I didn't want him to be around me all the time, but a text would make a difference to my day. I decided not to text him. I figured I would just keep my feelings under my belt and pretend that I wasn't in love with him. I sat down and watched a movie. I don't know why but I fell asleep just a few minutes into it. I woke up when  I heard someone knocking. I got up feeling slightly disorientated. While walking towards the door, fear gripped me because I wasn't expecting anyone. I heard Tobi's voice and opened the door.I asked him what he was doing here but he kept quiet and just keep staring at me. His eyes screamed passion, lust and desire. He wanted to devour me and for once in my entire life, I didn't mind. I wanted him.  My body yearned  for him. My heart screamed for his affection... I didn't care about what anyone else had to say... I know they all wanted to protect me... But I wanted him. I wanted his touch.

I asked him if he was still on this planet. He laughed, looked me in the eyes and gently kissed me. I got carried away. That kiss was so peculiar. It was tender, passionate and... I felt that warmth taking over my body. He came in and locked the door behind him. I was on fire... turned on by a mere kiss. He turned around, took off his jacket and his shirt. I tried to walk away in the hope of getting a glass of water but as I turned around, he took my hand and pulled me to himself. He planted kisses on my neck and untied my peignoir. I wasn't wearing anything underneath my pink peignoir... Don't ask me why... He suddenly took me to bed and told me to lay still. I did... His wish was my command. My nipples got up in anticipation of his touch but he stood there just looking at me as if he was wondering what part of my body to devour first. I was hooked. He took of his clothes with his eyes still glued to my body. I wasn't perfect but he loved my flaws. He came on top of me and pinned me to the bed, slowly working his way down my body. I closed my eyes and enjoyed every bit of it...When he held my breasts in his hands and caressed them...He came back up and kissed my neck... That weakness, my neck was my weakness... Now that I think of it, the little things he did made me wet... It wasn't about what, it was how he did it...He ate me out...took his time with body...I wanted to reciprocate the favor but he whispered a tiny "No...Tonight is your night". I let myself go. "Just let yourself go...open up to me, baby...Don't fight it" He played with my clitoris... I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. I was in my own world, the sound of nature was the sound of my moan...Then he dicked me down...It had been such a long while since I had felt a man so strong take charge of my body. I loved being at his mercy... I felt him sliding in and out of me...His kisses, his strength, his penetration...I was consumed until we climaxed and that's when I realized how much I had wanted and longed for him.

We cuddled, laughed and talked. There is something about being in the arms of the man you love and knowing that he wants you too. He slept off... And my mind wandered back to my past. I was in love with him but I just didn't know how to say it. I was angry at myself for letting myself fall for him. I was angry at myself because I was and am emotionally attached to him. I was angry at myself because the sex probably meant nothing to him.

You see this thing called love... It's like a drug...It's cocaine in my system.

I'm just obsessed with the idea of being in love.

- The Alpha Female


  1. Great....Pure art. Got me aroused a bit and longing for my man...Props!


Post a Comment

Share Your Thoughts below

Popular Posts