the ultimate fear

When asked the question “what is your biggest fear?” The most common answer would most likely be spiders, heights and public speaking. And this is understandable because most people at some time in their life have felt uncomfortable about these things. But, my biggest fear goes beyond the experience we have in life. This because my biggest fear is Death.
As a young girl growing up in a Nigerian home it was inevitable hearing ' DO DO THAT OR YOU WILL GO HELL OHHH, BE CAREFULL, IDIOT.. HELL FIREE IS REEAL OH! But really the destination will differ for everybody according to the way they lived their life and served God. I always had a whole bunch of questions roaming around in my head. What if I do not live my life the way God wants me to? Would I then really suffer in the everlasting fire for all of eternity? And what if I found favor in Gods eyes and made it to heaven, what would it be like? I have always been terrified of these thoughts. It gives me a strange feeling. A feeling somewhat between fear and excitement for the unknown.
I have always lived my life like it’s a movie. Doing things and not necessarily thinking about the consequences, because my understanding has always been that, there is no problem in this world that will last forever. It is like watching myself live life from outside my body. An unusual surreal experience. But then some days when I am in bed I realize that it is not a movie, and a time is coming when I will leave this this world and move on. At that point I start panicking and jump out of bed, to start pacing up and down. Praying to God to give me peace to calm down, and prevent me from getting a heart attack and lose my life.
            In my personal opinion I think my fear is the worst fear anyone can ever have. I say this because first of all, for every other fears or phobias there are cures and ways to learn how to deal with it. For instance going to therapy, in which a therapist will help you face your fear. In my case this is not possible because there is no way someone can face death, without actually dying. Secondly, Death is the only thing certain in life.


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