Man Up, Woman Down

I was tired of his antics. I was tired of his idea of love. I was tired of his pride and his nonchalance. I was tired of it all. I remember sleeping off that night wondering why I should be treated this way. Sometimes he says hurtful things. Sometimes he does hurtful things. I could walk down the street and meet someone new who would treat me the way I should be treated, but no. It seemed as if I kept on falling for everything but the right person. The first few weeks of the relationship are always the cupcake phase for me despite it being rumoured that the cupcake phase should last at least 3 months. They are always nice to me in the beginning. They always tell me how beautiful and how special I am. When I let my guard down the story changes. It always does. I've spent countless nights wondering what I could be doing wrong. I'm 32...and I can't even vouch for myself. I can't even boast of having a long term relationship. They all last from 3 to 8 months maximum. I didn't spend my 20s messing around. I dated and loved accordingly. So what could be the problem? Why tell me I'm special when you can't treat me that way? I told myself that after my third boyfriend, my next would be my last. But my next became a tale of 100 men versus one woman. I can't even recall the amount of guys I've dated. I had tried every method from the 90-day rule, to complete abstinence to actually giving my body to him. None worked. I called Tessy the moment I woke up and explained how Daniel had been acting funny for a while. How he had been giving me mixed signals... Today, I'm sure of what we have, the next day I'm not. Today, he cares for me, the next day, he will stand me up. It wasn't even new, it was the same old routine. I told Tessy everything. She listened, kept quite and laughed. I remember her exact words…

"Babe. I don't even understand this one that you are worrying about what Daniel is doing. He actually doesn't deserve you. Look at the way he's treating you like some side chick. You're beautiful, smart, independent. You barely even ask him for anything and  the little time you ask for, he can't give you? I bet you 10K he's seeing someone else. Do you think a guy like him can hold himself? He probably has chicks drooling over him and that's why he sees you as an option. I really don't see why you should break your head over him. You need to man up and go get you a man that's worth while. A man who will work to have his place in your heart. You're too soft and when you fall in love, you're literally just blind . Man up, babe. This 2014. Heartbreak is very expensive in the market. That's all I can tell you"


Her words pierced me and even when I tried explaining things to her... She would scold me and say that I was defending him. She practically told me I couldn't make excuses for him which was the bitter truth. Daniel is the man I loved but then...Tessy told me to man up so I decided to do so. I told myself that I would make the best out of my weekend. Looking at it now, it would have been better for me to cry myself to sleep. I wouldn't be in the travail I am in right now. 

That Friday night, I went to a bar alone. I had never been to this bar. I just remember walking into it and asking for a Bacardi. The bartender gave me my drink and tried to chat me up. He asked me what I was doing there alone at such an ungodly hour. I told him I was looking for love. He laughed and said I had come to the wrong place. I wondered why he said that but before I could ask him what he meant, he walked away. So I continued to drink and read my Twitter timeline. I really can't remember what the trending topic was but I recall being consumed and drawn to it. Suddenly, a dark handsome man sat next to me and ordered for a drink. He was actually too handsome to be true. He looked like a model that had been photoshopped a countless number of times. I didn't want to let it seem as if I was attracted to him so I went back to drinking and tweeting. He then said hi and asked what I was laughing about, I told him I was just on twitter. "Has any man ever told you how beautiful you are? There is something special about you" I rolled my eyes and kept quiet. He laughed and said "My name is L.J. And you?" I told him my name was Kate. He smiled, looked at me and asked me why was lying about name. I was confused. He then called me by full name, Katherine. I was surprised. I asked him how he knew my full name. He then said I was special and he was my secret admirer. We talked for a long while. Meanwhile I had a couple of bottles of Bacardi. I wasn't drunk just yet. I was just tipsy. I wanted to leave the bar, L.J offered to drive me in my car back to my place since he was on foot. I didn't want to  at first but then he said he wouldn't harm me and that I could trust him. So I gave him my car keys and he drove me home. We got to my place. I was about to ask him how he intended to get back home when he suddenly kissed me. His lips were so soft. He kept kissing me and a mere kiss turned into a French kiss. Our tongues met... His touch was... Different. I kept begging God to forgive me because I knew I was about to sin. Gosh! L.J's cologne took me elsewhere. There is just something about a man who smells good. I pushed the door open. He then carried me to the dinner table and spread my legs open. But he took his time. I wondered how He knew that was my favourite position. He stood between my legs, kissed and touched the most sensitive part of my body. And he started from my neck... My neck was my weakness. How did he even know my body so well? He took off my panties. His fingers... I was wet. He controlled me. He made me crave his manhood. I felt as if he was playing with me. I felt as if I would I was about to climax off foreplay. It was as if he read my mind. And that same moment, he went in... All the way. I didn't want him to stop. His game was the best I had ever experienced in my life. It was surreal. I stared at the clock thinking he would last for only 3 minutes. But 3 minutes turned 20. It could last for eternity for all I cared. I felt appreciated! wanted! desired! It was about me. It wasn't about his body but it was my about my body. His voice... His moan..his words... his whispering... He was sweating. He was about to climax when he suddenly vanished. But I still felt his body on mine but I couldn't see him. I was scared but I was still aroused by the act. And it continued all night. The lights kept flickering. My furniture started shifting. My paintings fell to the ground. I felt my apartment shaking in fear. I was terrified but it didn't stop me from continuing... At the end of it all I was drained. My legs were weak. I couldn't move. I was helpless. And then I heard L.J's voice

"You're mine, Katherine. You're mine." 

His voice was very intimidating. He was nowhere. I couldn't see him. I started crying. I wanted to say "Jesus" but each time I tried, I felt I was being slapped and flogged. So I lay on my dinner table. I can't remember how I fell asleep in that much pain. The sun rose and its light woke me up. I found myself in my bed still in pain and traumatised. I was dressed in my best night gown. But I had marks on my body. I was in pain and disoriented. Suddenly the bell rang. I managed to get up. I rushed to the bathroom to wash my face before seeing who was there. I washed my face and as soon as I lifted up my head and cleaned my face, I saw LJ in the mirror. I turned around but my reflection was gone. L.J was my reflection. I screamed. The bell rang harder. I leaped to the door and opened. Daniel stood there looking sad. He started apologising and saying all sorts of things I couldn't remember. I told him to sit down and he did. I did as well. He kept on talking but I couldn't pay attention. Suddenly I saw his replica sitting next to him. While Daniel was explaining himself, his replica was mocking me. I sat there confused. I couldn't scream. Daniel noticed my silence and came towards me. As soon as he stood up, his replica disappeared. I then ordered him out of my apartment. I loved him but it was clear that he was playing with my head. 

I wore my clothes and drove to the bar where I met LJ. I was shocked to find the place abandoned and sealed by the police. It seemed as if the place was burnt down. I knocked and tried to get in but I couldn't. An old woman tapped me on the back and asked me what I was doing. I told her I needed to go inside and find the owner of the bar. She laughed. 


" Do you know this bar was burnt down 32 years ago? Your late father died in this bar. It is rumoured that spirits and demons gather here at night looking for who to torment and possess. You shouldn't come to this bar. You'll find everything but love and harmony here. This bar is cursed. Go home, Kate"

I had lost the woman in me. LJ started living in me. I was told to man up... And I woman down. 


- The Alpha Female 

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