The Other Woman and The Will Of God
I sat down in the midst of the congregation with thoughts wandering through my mind. At first I could feel the butterflies in my belly but then the butterflies turned into worms before I could count to 10. Where was he? Why hadn't I heard from him in weeks? The thought of losing him pierced every part of my soul with so much aggression. I couldn't help but wonder if loving him was the right thing to do. My friends had spoken and denied his genuine character. He was nothing but a charlatan practicing witchcraft on the table of my heart. With all my knowledge of the Bible I ignored the verse that said: Guard your heart for out of it proceed all matters of life. I failed. I lost focus. All the pain and trials I was facing coupled with my heart ache for him became too much for me to bear. Pastor was preaching a sermon I wasn't paying attention to. It all went in one ear and came out of the other. What exactly was he saying? I told God I couldn't take it anymore and that I wanted to leave but I was compelled to remain seated. My relationship with Him is one I cannot explain. It seems as if every time I try to run away from God, he would pull me back by a rope tied to my ankle. So I practically had nowhere to run to. But I couldn't understand the dreams and vibes I had been having concerning Sean. I felt reassured whenever I saw him but when he wasn't there… I had too many doubts. I couldn't count on or even trust him. Though I trusted him at first, my trust suddenly went away. Every time we spoke it was as if I had to force the conversation. Sometimes Naomi would tell me what to say. And I would still watch the conversation die. And whenever I prayed for him before going to bed, I would always wake up with bad dreams to recall. Either he was denying me, angry with me or trying to choose between me and some other woman. But then it wasn't always so. I take my dreams very seriously because they always come to pass in one way or the other. They always do… Before now, I had a good feeling about him until...
Sean called me and his voice was down. I asked him if everything was okay and he said nothing was wrong. I sat down and asked what his reason for calling was.
"Can't I call you again?"
"You never call me. So what exactly is the matter?"
"You don't have to sound so rude. I know I've been MIA. I'm sorry… Can I see you tonight?"
"Sure. But not for long. I have somewhere I need to be"
"So you won't tell me?"
"I just need to be somewhere. Come to my place at 8pm and you leave by 8:40pm. Not a minute later"
"Alright. I will see you then"
It killed me to be so cold but I couldn't always be available for him. I called Greg and asked him to change my schedule. I needed to take the night shift. I was just hoping I wouldn't have any severe cases in the E.R. I just needed to remain busy. I called Naomi and Tomi and told them Sean was coming over. They asked me what he wanted, I couldn't answer. They then said I shouldn't let anything happen. No sex, no kiss, no intimacy. They both reminded me that he used those same antics to get me attached to him in the first place and thereby making me emotional faithful to him. They both insisted I needed to break the tie I had with him. I was secretly hoping they were wrong because they had nothing good to say about him. I just wanted to believe Sean was different from other guys. After all, I had told God there is only so much my heart could take. Another heartbreak would mean… My bell rang and I went outside to open the gate. Sean came out of his car and I greeted him politely. He was asking about work and life in general… I honestly had nothing to tell him. I didn't want him to come in so we held our conversation outside and as expected it was a fruitless conversation. I was happy that I didn't tell him I was in love with him. I could have at that moment but I chose not to. As we were talking, a white car parked in front of my gate. Tope, Sean's sister came out of the car looking all excited.
"Hey Lola! Sean. I knew I would find you here! Guess who I just picked up from the airport."
And there she was. The other woman… Just as fair as I am in complexion. She basically jumped on him and they kissed… Going all PDA… right in front me. I was weak, disgusted. Man…I was just in shock. So this is where is attention had been all this while. All those times when he going "somewhere". It all made sense. I was even more surprised at Tope because I remembered having an intimate conversation with her about my feelings for Sean and what I thought we had going on. Pardon me… I started feeling like a part of his family maybe because I loved the way they were. But like they say… You can't tame a grown man. I excused myself and went in to take my briefcase, jacket and stethoscope. I was furious, hurt, tired…shocked. I excused myself, got into my car and drove off. I drove past my limit and the last thing I can remember was waking up to a dark skin man asking me if I was alright. I felt cold.
"In Jesus Name we have prayed"
I came back to earth realizing I just had another vision. I hated this gift that had been tormenting my life since childhood. I wasn't in any position to control the things I saw and even with prayer they weren't cancelled. It became clear to me that worrying over Sean was a waste of my time because someone else was already there. The other woman…
The pianist walked towards me after the service.
"Hi, I'm the will of God. What's your name?"
"Oh…Hi, I'm Godwin. What's your name?"
"Lola… Nice to meet you. I don't think I have seen you here before"
"Nice to meet you too. Oh yeah! I'm new in town. Currently doing my doctorate here."
"Doctorate? oh….Hmmm. Now that is interesting. Welcome to Amsterdam"
- The Alpha Female