TNT: I Can't Get Over This Heartbreak

Before you cut me, I know today isn't thursday. I've been meaning to write this article for a while now and to tell you the truth my schedule is all kinds of irregular. Nevertheless, as I always like to say, better late than never. The past one month and  a week have been quite interesting for me. I think I've spent most of my time thinking than actually penning down my thoughts which is a very bad thing to do as a  writer. Every article I've written comes with a certain emotion attached to it. Most times this emotion comes in the moment and when it's gone, it's gone no coming back. I've missed the idea being in love. Most times people say that love hurts but I've come to understand that love is actually a very beautiful thing. It's (confused) people who hurt us. I've noticed everyone is trying to avoid getting heartbroken. But the bitter truth is you cannot avoid it. Some times I cannot even wrap my head around how human beings reason and treat each other. Some times I ask myself why all of a sudden relationships have become so complicated in my time. It's no more "I'm single" "I'm married" or "I'm dating someone". It's now "Oh I'm talking to her/him but I have a boyfriend/girlfriend" "Oh I'm just having sex no with this person no strings attached" or the most senseless of them all "I'm in an open relationship." It seems like everyone has found a way to avoid heartbreak that in the process of this they end up hurting others and it's a never ending cycle. This cycles brings out more complications… Not telling someone what you truly feel for them and act on it when the chance is apparent. Having someone you love choosing someone else over you and consequently hurting your self-esteem. I don't understand why everybody is running. Where are you running to? What are you running from? Heartbreak? Heartbreak is as certain as death is. The concept of going through a heartbreak is a process of refinement. This is how I see it.

First of all most of us  are born to parents who protect us and feed us with the idea of how blissful love is. Most times they won't tell us that finding a faithful man is like looking for a needle in the midst of a basked of dirty laundry. They won't tell us that a woman  is very much capable of conducting herself like a church rat and finding a queen to marry is like a journey to the land of the dead…though! We grow up listening to stories of couples living happily ever after. Disney never told us Rapunzel's bae  didn't have the courage to fight for her so he decided to marry a fallen woman. We all grow up with the idea that relationships don't have problems. But unfortunately they do. And those problems are what make a relationship what it is. My dad always tells me that nothing good comes easy. I've trained myself to not give up on something I desire until God takes my hands of it and tells me to rest. Honestly, I have so many unanswered questions waiting for time and fate to answer to them. Love is not easy. Sometimes you have to fight for what you love. You can't be a mess and expect to keep  a good woman to yourself. You can't be lazy and expect a man to take the every stupid thing you intentionally do. You have to have a clean conscience that says: it went wrong but I wasn't the problem. The moment you can genuinely tell yourself that then…You're one step closer to happiness.

Me? I've tried everything. Based on advice. Even putting my hands in different baskets in case mister O messes up then I have mister A, D and Z. I think you guys call it "talking"? What exactly are we talking about? I personally think that if you have time to keep human beings as options, you very much aren't ready for marriage. So when you are arguing with your spouse, you'll immediately go over to option B because you can't stand getting your heart broken? Heartbreak is as certain as death is. Love is a game of risk and the earlier we learn to understand this concept the better for the entire humanity. In other to love, you must risk getting your heart broken. It a process of refinement. Heartbreak actually does allow you to understand yourself a lot better. You get to know your pain set point. You get to understand a few things here and there. You learn from it.

A heartbreak shouldn't be the reason why you change your ability to love the next person. At the end of the day, you'll be only depriving yourself of something good: love. Heartbreaks make you wiser and stronger. Warn a child as much as you want to but until he/she touches fire, he/she won't learn a valuable lesson. Being cheated on hurts, that I can tell you. Being disgraced hurts, that I can tell you. Having someone you love choose someone else over you hurts, that I can tell you. But in all this too many people refuse to move on and grab happiness by the tail. Most people like to swim in the pains of heartbreak forgetting there is dry ground on the other side. Moving on is a personal decision and a very hard one at that. It can be very painful. It can hurt so much that you feel like hating the opposite sex and smashing it like potatoes but man…. You have to bounce back. Else you will keep rolling and encountering the same type of people over and over again. My message for you today is: Bounce back.

S: Babe, I don chop shit o. Like… Why this guy… What? Na only me dey this world abi na wetin?

G: "I've chopped shit too. But me, I move on. You?  You still sit there and reminisce about what the shit  taste like… what it felt like… what it smelt like. Lol!"


Funny enough my bestie had a valid point and from that moment on I decided to grab happiness by the tail and leave everything in the hands of God. I trust Him with everything and He never lies nor fails. I hope you do same and move on for the better.

Love always,

- The Alpha Female


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