Heartbeat Of The Dead

I've been close to insanity quite a few times.  Need I mention how many times I asked for help and I couldn't find any? They say talking about your problem makes life a little easier. My case was different because talking didn't really make any difference. That hurt, that pain… I could make every one around me laugh but deep down I was very unhappy. And sometimes I couldn't conceal my fury. Sometimes the pain mounts up to your throat and you just need to spill it before it gets to your brain. Lying here, I wonder who knows what actually happened. I can't really explain what happened to me. How do I come continue to mask my pain when truly I'm hurting deep down inside of me? Is pretending to be happy really worth the additional salt I keep adding to my injury? No it's actually not. I'm happy fighting a battle I've already lost because all these voices keep telling me to speed the recovery process. "Don't think about it too much", "Heal fast" and so on… Do I control how I think or what I think about? Do I control who my heart yearns for? I feel so empty maybe because she left me that way. 

I can recall that one night stand that made me the empty man I am today. Just like Solomon said… Stupidity is like a loose woman sitting outside her house  calling every single promising man to come in and listen to her. You know what they say about clubs.  You can't find a wife in there. I was a very open minded guy, I personally believed you could meet the one anywhere and at any given time. I took women home every now and then. Obviously, I didn't take them home to play scrabble. We chatted for little, had sex… I eventually always ended up blocking their numbers when they called back the next days. I didn't want that fuck buddy situation-ship. We had fun,  let's just end it there. But anyways… In that month of February  I , Mike and Kelechi went to the club a couple of times. We knew February was the month to catch the finest  available women. After all, most of them were idiotically looking for love and/or gifts they could proudly boast of on social media. Each time we went there, I noticed a certain dark skin beauty sitting in a corner all by herself. The first day I saw her, she  wore a short white sleeved dress that easily gave away her curves. A lot of men were trying to dance with her but she refused them calmly and just sat there legs crossed with her hair hiding the portrait view of her cleavage. If you stood in front of her… The second night we came, I saw her again. Still sitting on that same seat, not dancing or talking to anyone… Just drinking a few glasses and observing others. I felt drawn to her for some odd reason but I decided to respect myself so I didn't approach her that night. I told myself that if I saw her again, I'll definitely get her to dance with me. And see her I did for the third time that month. This time around she had a trench coat on. I asked her if she was willing to dance with me. She said no. Can I know your name? No. Are you not feeling hot in this your jacket? "No. I'm actually cold". She said she couldn't hear me well because the music was too loud so she took my hand and led me outside. 

At first I asked myself if she was trying to set me up. We got outside and she spoke again. Her voice was very different from every other female voice I had ever heard. It was… sweet. She said I didn't tell her my name first. I laughed. "I see how it is. I'm Benjamin". She asked after my native name assuming I was nigerian. I told her my name was Efe. She then introduced herself as Daniella. I asked her if she was nigerian. She said yes and then added that her name was Amaka. She asked me if I came with someone and I told her I didn't. She gave me a weird look. "I saw you come in with some guys. I suppose they are your friends?". I told her they were and I thought she meant I was referring to a girlfriend. "So I suppose you can drop me off? That 's if you don't mind". I sure as hell didn't mind dropping her off with her body looking like God just finished adding his magic touch to it. We got into my car and it seemed as if I had known her for years. There was that instant rare instant connection you can only find once  or maybe twice in a lifetime. We got to her place and she asked me if I wanted to come in. I did. Her apartment wad well furnished. I figured she had a good job. She didn't take off her coat. She went straight to the kitchen and asked me if I wanted something to drink. Amaka then asked me to come help get the bottle of Moscato because she couldn't reach it. I went to the kitchen and this woman was sitting on the kitchen counter. She told me the glasses and bottle were behind her. At that point I knew what she wanted.  I came closer to her and in one go she opened her trench coat. I understood why she was cold. She had absolutely nothing on. The boy in me couldn't say no although something didn't seem accurate. I touched her gently and caressed her. I needed to inspect her body. How could it be so flawless? The firmness of her breast…I was going mentally going crazy at first sight. Our kisses… I lifted her off the counter and carried her to her bedroom. She stopped me as I was trying to take over. She went down on me… She had to… Have some sort of training because it was the best I have eve had. Her moan, the way she said my name as I returned the favor… I felt myself being drawn into a bottomless pit with each stroke. I can't even find the right words to explain this… It was surreal.  We went on a few rounds… She basically put all her cards on the table.

After that one last round, she was exhausted and she smiled at me. I couldn't take my eyes of her because I didn't know what to think of her. She asked me if I was okay and I told her I was. She then fell asleep and I turned around. I suddenly saw myself  in surgery. It wasn't even a dream. It felt so real. I was lying there helpless and tied to the bed. I then saw Amaka rip my chest open and take out my heart. I had never cried this much as a man. I was in so much pain, panic and distress. I kept calling the name of Jesus but nothing happened. My thorax was wide open. She took my heart away and walked out of the room with an evil grin on her face. I tried to make myself believe that I was just dreaming. My eyes couldn't open. I was scared till I finally passed out. 

I woke up in her bed and she was gone without a word or a note. The moment I stood up I felt an empty space and sharp pain in my chest. I decided to get out of her place immediately. I opened the door and saw flowers and R.I.P notes on the doorstep. I stepped out to look at who died and whose picture it was… I was shocked and desperate when I saw Amaka's picture. 

An old white man passed by and I asked him what exactly happened and where Amaka was. 

"Oh Daniella died 3 years ago, she had a bad heart and needed a transplant badly but couldn't find a donor. This flat has been quite restless since her departure. How did you even get in here? Strange things have happened and…"

I ran away.

But as I was running, my heart wasn't beating anymore.  I then realized that a dead woman had stolen my heartbeat.

- The Alpha Female 

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