Dear AFM, Who should I marry?

" Dear Alpha Female..

First I would like to say that I appreciate your write-ups and the way you put emotions into words so effortlessly. I have been following your blog for about two years now and there is absolutely no article or story that you have written which wasn't brilliant. I admire your thought process and very few women exercise intelligence and ambition like the way you do. Even the way you blog music is quite different and it shows actual effort. I read your article titled "We know those we shouldn't marry" and I'd like you to answer a question…  What type of people  should we marry? Is it better to marry someone you love or someone you can live with?  I'm speaking for both genders. I'd love to read what you have to say on your website.
Yours truly,
- M. "

It is advisable you avoid and marry both. 

This was and is a very though question to answer. Let me first say that I am not married contrary to what a lot of people have been thinking and asking. I just so happen to wear my ring on different fingers and on a bad day… Well! It finds itself on my ring finger. A ring that switches positions every other day isn't a wedding ring. Nevertheless… I wrote that satirical article in order to bring a very simple message across: we women are tired. If you read that same article in a male perspective, you would realize that men also are tired. We are all tired. Tired of what exactly? We are tired of each other.  Like it or not, most of us are going to get married. Many of us will marry the wrong person, while few will marry the right person but there will be something wrong in the union. And then some of us will reshuffle our unions through divorce. It's just how life is.  The quest to find the 'one' is every sense of the word 'daunting'. Not everyone can boast of a longterm relationship that bloomed into a union of happiness, love and laughter. 

For starters, you should not marry someone you love. There is a popular saying out there… "Follow Your Heart, It can never be wrong". Let me already put it out to you that this is a blatant lie and the every epitome of mass deceit. I have spent years studying my heart on a daily basis and to be quite honest with you, I consider it my biggest enemy. I see it as a stubborn child who, even after being warned,  dances within the circumference of blazing fire and later on wonders why he/she got burned. Fire is actually a very beautiful sight to see.  Does that mean that it won't harm you the moment you touch it? Marrying someone simply because you love them isn't enough to hold you down when storms come. The truth here is that love isn't enough to sustain a bond a man and woman have nowadays. In today's age love isn't unconditional like the way it used to be. Too many factors determine your relationship and eventually marriage: distance, money, side chicks…Nowadays, no money means no girlfriend or at worst an unfaithful one. Nowadays, no sex means no relationship or at worst… They mess with your head till you finally give in and then they leave you hanging. Just because you love them doesn't mean that the measure of their love for you is equal to yours. So just loving someone isn't enough. 


You shouldn't marry someone you can simply live with. I say this because if you marry someone for sake of convenience, you will ruin the marriage with your own hands. You really do have to be a robot in order for you to say that you can live with someone you don't love without looking elsewhere. The house, the car, the money and even the kids can be there but if you don't love them, you will look elsewhere. By now, you should know that there isn't any valid  reason in my encyclopedia  for you to cheat on someone you're with. Friendships are easy to form… But not every friendship matures into love and even when it does, it clashes most of the time. Convenience should be your last resort when it comes to marriage. My problem with human beings nowadays is that they don't even try to make things work before they give up. It seems as if everyone subconsciously has that  idealistic idea of a relationship/marriage being all bloomy. Do not be deceived… Nothing good in this life comes easy. Sometimes you'll have to fight. Sometimes you'll have to endure and be patient. Sometimes you will have persevere just to be with that person who is meant for you. It's not easy… I don't advocate for settling for convenience. It's hard that I know… 


Who then should you marry? You should marry someone that fits this description. First, he/she loves you. Secondly, you know you love them deeply enough to remain with them till death do you part. And lastly, you can live and build your home with them. If one out of these 3 is missing, your marriage is bound to crumble in one way or the other.

A friend once told me to always go for someone who loves me more than I love them.  At first, I thought to myself that anyone who loves more than I do will be reaching the unhealthy bar of obsession. After careful thought I then understood one thing: love is a relative and thus different for everyone. Nevertheless, love should be very close to 1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 7. Marry the person that lives up to this standard. 


Love Always,



- The Alpha Female 


Follow me on Twitter @Ms_Sharinbaybeh !
Questions? Enquiries? E-mail sharonjane@afmblogs.com

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