Prayer Of My Naked Soul...

I don’t know where to actually start today’s post from. I guess you all would be seeing this side of me more often than I would want to. It’s not in my best interest to write a post like this. The past couple of days have been quite heavy although I know it comes with praying. When something big is about to come your way that’s when the devil usually comes to tempt you from your weakest angle. I used to see life as a journey wherein business transactions ought to be made in order to achieve greater heights. These transactions, as I would like to call them, come in the form of risks. i’m still upcoming in most of the things I involve myself in. Though i have been blogging for the past 5 years, i’m still an upcoming blogger and many more upcoming things. On days like this I do ask myself why God allows the worst things to happen to those who believe in him. It’s hard to see the end of the storm when you’re in the middle of it. It’s hard… It’s very hard especially when you want to scream but you can’t because it wouldn’t make any difference. I have a lot of things to be thankful to God for. I love Him more than the anything in this life. It’s crazy how in my walk with God, I know and feel he’s with me every step of the way. There are days I read my email and DM wondering what people find inspiring about me. I can’t imagine I have “helped” people with with the things I write about and even my endless rants on twitter. Like I told you guys… Writing is my escape from reality. There are days I don’t want to write because I can’t find the right words to express how empty I feel inside. But when I’m in tears that’s when my fingers do the best talking .I always write out of pain. A fact I try to hide but I’m tired of hiding it. Pain isn’t the greatest thing to have or to hold. It’s a stone tied around my neck with  a rope. Whenever I manage to cut the rope someone, just one person, comes back to tie the rope around my neck. I’m not the best talker. Not even when I make videos or anything. I hate talking because unlike society’s definition of relief it brings me nothing but headache. Headache because I can’t find the right words to explain what I really mean. When i’m joyful, I barely write. But when I’m in sorrow, I write… I write a lot. Someone once told me my life wouldn’t be easy in the beginning but God would always see me through till I get to the place He has destined me to be in and my purpose has been fulfilled. So I ask God if living through other people’s pain is my purpose. “Sharon I want you to write my story” and write I do. 45 percent of the stories you’ve read on this blog aren’t mine but they were written by and with my emotions. I’m so quick to cut people off, I have no other choice but to. The thought of them, seeing them drains the little bit of peace I have left in me. And the devil knows how I much I love to love. In my space of thoughts, I even cut off immediate family. i hate being used… I hate being lied to and I hate being taken for a fool because of my quietness and my reluctance to retaliate. I’m here trying to teach myself  a lot of things. Sometimes the pressure becomes so much that I just break down in the middle of the dark. And tonight is one of those wherein I break. Sometimes I see things I don’t want to see. Sometimes my spirit wanders about the streets of depth. Just sometimes I console myself by thinking about how much of a beautiful future I have ahead of me. All I can see are faces… blurry faces. I don’t know who they are but I know they are there waiting for me. Waiting to be a part of my success story. One nights like this I just want to pray but since I can’t talk I don’t know what or how to explain to God where the needle hurts. So my prayer is that He should hear the words my heart say which my mouth cannot utter. And I do hope He hears me.. 

Because I feel alone… Alone with my thoughts. Alone with my naked soul...

Sharon O. Jane 

  • The Alpha Female 


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