The Parenthesis

“I find more bitter than death the woman whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as band: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her” Eclessiates 7:26

 I find it quite interesting how such a wise man as King Solomon was able to fall prey to multiple women after uttering such statement. It brings me back to knowing the difference between the knowledge of what is good and actually doing it. He was wise… Solomon knew what was good but he didn’t do it.  He reminds me of me. When  I do sit to think of all the things I could actually control if only I put my mind to it. Is my heart snares and nets? I will leave you to answer that question.  What I for sure do not believe is that a woman’s heart is naturally evil. I sit here without any bit of remorse for what I did. They both had it coming. I detest when human deem it fit to put vulnerable souls in a place of hurt. My idea of revenge is quite simple: I will do to you that which you have done to me and even worse. Before I became the assailant ,I was the prey. I honestly believed being in a position of vulnerability will have the man I love, treat me like a fragile egg. Efeosa did me wrong. He was that silly child  that took his mother’s eggs to the grave. And Loveth? Her name is the antagonistic element of who she is. On the other hand, I cannot judge her because I do not know her. I know her name, I know what she does, I know her every move. What did she have that I didn’t? Efeosa never spoke of me publicly but he does off her barely 2 weeks after leaving me.  Don’t look at me like I’m crazy. Stalking is a very bad word… I do not deem it fit to describe the things I do at night. I would rather call it “humble” research.

I didn’t know inviting the devil into one’s life was that easy. I remember being in tears that night. Before Efeosa  I told God I couldn’t do another heartbreak. I didn’t see myself healing anymore. I had gone through that process too many times and every single time I healed, I felt like I had lost a part of me. I felt very much betrayed. He couldn’t even tell me that he wanted to move on with his life. So I sat there asking myself what was wrong with me.  Why did every man I opened my heart to fell need to tear down the walls of my life? In that momentum, I wished I had never come across any man, certainly not Efeosa because he did the most damage. I recall crying myself to a point where I just had to scream.  My head was spinning, my ears began to ring and I lost balance. I could feel hot air being blown into my neck as if someone was standing next to me. Seyi had travelled to see her parents and I was meant to be alone in the house. I hadn’t had a panic attack in years but I had one that night. A voice started speaking to me in a language I had never heard before. I started seeing images flash before me of different things I had been through… Tears, happiness, hurt, anger, laughter, love, hate… Faces upon faces. I remember saying the words “I surrender” continuously and I plead for the pain to go away.  I didn’t know who I was talking to. I held my tears and head in pain and that was when Mr B came into my life. I was being pushed by an unknown force. I could hear my perfume bottles breaking.  At that point I realized that Efeosa leaving me wasn’t the problem but the fact that he did so by betraying me and trust I had put in him.  That’s how Mr B became the second spirit in my body. I could read people’s minds  and cause damage from miles away just by thinking about  it. Unfortunately… In my exuberance of my newly acquired powers, I killed a few people. Some are still talking about tomorrow but they aren’t aware that they won’t leave to see the sun rise. Mr B made me do things I didn’t want to do. I knew I had lost myself. I started smoking and walking around the house completely naked and inviting one night stands. What is so peculiar about one night stands is that they cause more damage than any other wicked scheme. Many have lost their destinies, prosperity, happiness because they slept with me… Or rather they slept with Mr B.

Mr B is a very wicked being. He doesn’t care about the harm he is doing to others. As a matter of fact he lives off people’s misery. Efeosa called me was about  it 3 weeks ago?  I wondered what he was looking for because I hadn’t spoken to him in almost 3 years. So I listened to all he had to say and he claimed to be very unhappy. He said he was sorry and that Seyi had told him about my move. To cut a long story short, we decided to meet for “old times sake”. I hung up the phone filled with hate. I thought of him and remembered everything that had happened. His accusations, his lies… More importantly, I remembered that he never respected me despite his claims of loving me.

I took a shower, did my make up and got dressed. I didn’t want to look too sexy so he wouldn’t have cause to praise me. I saw Efeosa come out of his car and at that point I realized that I still loved him despite all that had happened between us. Maybe he was confused… I started making excuses for him. I don’t know how I found myself in his arms. We kissed and had sex just liked the good old times.  For some odd reason, I felt so much bitterness when we were done. I kissed him goodbye and told him never to call me again.

This revenge I took didn’t sit well with but I felt not remorse for it. I stood between a parenthesis.  Efeosa and  Loveth . And because Mr B wouldn’t have it, Efeosa will never be able to have  a child.

He could have been a happy man today if only he gave me closure.

- The Alpha Female



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