My Experience Dating On Twitter: The BIG Tweet Fight
There comes a point in a woman’s life here she has to learn her lesson the bitter way. And a bitter one I did learn with boyfriend number 3. I don’t actually know where to start this story from because the thing genuinely still confuses me. What I did learn was not to pay attention to any guy that likes to comment on my pictures. “Hey beautiful” turned to “ Hey emotional hoe” real quick. That’s why sometimes when people say “ Hey beautiful”, I just start laughing. I’m not laughing because I’m blushing. I’m laughing because I’m resisting the devil. This will be a long one... So brace yourselves.
I recall having a crush on dating failure number 4 (who I’ll be talking about in my next post). At this point I had succeeded in getting over Bode but that didn’t happen without consequences. Dating failure 4 was my friend at the time. I guess that’s what I can call it… “friendship”. After it became clear that I and DF4 (dating failure number 4) had feelings for each other, he started acting weird. I noticed he wasn’t so open about himself. I started feeling bad for liking him. My best friend, Bugs, advised I should forget about DF4. But like I told you people, I don’t give up on love easily. In my mind I was like… Nah, DF4 can’t possibly mess with my head. I respect him too much for that.
Anyways… November 2013 I posted a selfie on twitter and to my surprise a lot of people were RT-ing and commenting. Out of the blue, I saw a tall good looking guy say “Nigerian Queen”. I just boned and kept tweeting. Bayo followed me, started responding to my tweets and engaging in discussions with me on twitter. Just like how I follow everyone who engages with me in conversations, I followed him back. So he DM’ed me and asked me for my Facetime id and I gave it to him. He called me on Facetime and was pretty much like “wauw… your pictures don’t do you justice” and blah blah. He tried to use trick to find out it if I had a boyfriend but I just told him the truth: I was emotionally unavailable. I remember speaking very briefly to his younger siblings. So we started talking and he called me very often in a day. I didn’t think much of it because Bugs and I talked on Facetime everyday for hours and nothing happened because we were just like brother and sister. Bayo, within a week, let me into his life by telling me about himself and all. And he was so curious to know what I was all about. Give it just one week…
Me: lol yeah… maybe I’ll meet him sometime later in life
“Why wait that long… I’m sure there are guys dying to be with you”
Me: lol sike
So… That is how Bayo kept on asking me to be his girlfriend. I didn’t have deep feelings for him because at the time I was trying to get over DF4. I just liked him as a person. So I tried explaining to him that risking a friendship over a relationship isn’t worth it and then asked if he didn’t think this was too soon. In my mind I’m like I’ve only known this guy for 2 weeks and he’s already “in love?”
I told Bayo about my situation with DF4. I’ve never been the type to deceive myself. But Bayo asked me why I always decided to invest my emotions in people who don’t know my worth. He then said something I will never forget… “I will wait but I won’t be here forever”. So Bayo convinced me to text DF4, while I was on Facetime with him, so I could know where two of us stand. Bayo literally told me ask to DF4 a few questions which I did. And guess what?
Bayo: I told you this guy wasn’t serious.
Me: Wawu… He has never been this cold to me before.
Bayo: you don’t mean it.
That was enough for me to know what I wanted to know. I was quite disappointed that DF4 had just changed for some odd reason. So I let his case be. I spoke to Koko about Bayo and she was like “ Yasss! See better person go for him!”. I told myself: you know what? Let me give Bayo a chance. So I explicitly told Bayo while agreeing to date him that I would need some time before I can fully bring what I have to the table. I needed to heal. Things weren’t going well for me. My life was in million shambles. I was looking for ways to go to university. And as I expected him to, Bayo said he would be there to help me heal. That’s how we started “dating”.
It’s safe to say that our honeymoon phase lasted just two weeks when I started noticing some weird things. Bayo was always flirting with other women on Twitter. This reminded me too much of how Bode used to act and I wasn’t ready for anyone to put me through that again. I told Bayo I didn’t appreciate it, he just laughed. I swept that under the carpet. My aunt then travelled to Italy and needed someone to help take care of the kids. Since I wasn’t going to school, she called me and asked if I could take care of her kids when she was gone. She left me with uncle Sola and the kids. I told Bayo about it and we would Facetime. He spoke to the kids and every morning the kids would ask me:
“Aunty… Where is your boyfriend? We want to see him”
I thought that was cute but then again, Bayo hadn’t called me in 3 days. In those 3 days anytime I check twitter, Bayo dey flirt. It became so excessive that while I was talking to uncle Sola I just burst out in tears. So I had an argument with Bayo. As an Urhobo man, uncle Sola always knew how to make me laugh. He was so funny?! He would jokingly tell me not smash my expensive phone because of Bayo. If I didn’t need my iphone, I should just give it to him and he would keep it safe for me. Hmm! Warri no dey carry last sha. I posted a pic on Instagram and Bayo felt it wise to tell me to check my messages. He was apologetic and said he wouldn’t do it again and blah blah blah.
I finally came back home to mommy and told her what had been happening between me and Bayo. My mom who was first enthusiastic about it, told me to just leave Bayo because clearly he didn’t respect me. With what my mom said and after doing a few calculations… I realized I wasn’t just ready for a relationship and I needed to heal alone. And it always seemed like I was picking the wrong guys. I tried to call Bayo but he didn’t pick so I texted him and told him I was ending the relationship because it wasn’t working. I hate nagging and repeating myself. I told him I took the blame for it but this wasn’t just the right time for us to be an item. He said “ lol ok.” I didn’t unfollow him or block him because I felt we were still cool. I wasn’t even in the mood to think about it too much so I travelled to see my dad for Christmas. I ended up being offline for about 1-2days. I came back to my mom’s house and logged on Twitter. I said let me check his timeline, Bayo had been subbing me. I knew this because the things he posted on Twitter were things I told him in confidence. The height was when some random girl tweeted “ Look at that one that was using him as her header”.
I had a dip. I was already emotionally off ground. I then tweeted “it’s funny how you break up with someone and they result into subbing you”. Bayo came into my mentions to say he wasn’t talking about me. So I said “I wasn’t tweeting about you either”. The following day I was going through some drafted documents on my laptop and came across a story I wrote and never posted called “ From A long Distance”. I hesitated on whether to post it or not, but I did… Without actually having Bayo in mind. Bayo apparently read the story and found it okay to tweet stuff like “Emotional hoe. That’s why your dad left you”. I was like…
And that’s how I went ballistic that night. Never before had I been in such a huge tweetfight because I care about my reputation. You can insult me as much as you want to but don’t think you’ll insult my mom and/or dad and I won’t clap back. Some of his very silly female friends found it wise enough to join in the fight. They even went ahead to post hateful comments on my blog, calling the writer a “stupid hoe who got what she deserved”. Lol! Bayo said I wouldn’t amount to anything because I hadn’t succeeded in going back to university due to my situation at the time. He said if I didn’t have American green card then I shouldn’t talk to him. But he forgot I’m a European citizen.
In the heat of that fight everyone was in my mentions, people were talking and I was drained. I texted Bayo “ What is happening to us?”
He was like “nah bitch. You asked for it.”
Then DF4 (of all people) tweeted:
“ Stay away from women with too much drama”
So I gave up. My friends were calling me. I didn’t pick. I couldn’t breathe. I was angry. I smashed my phone. All of a sudden I became a “woman with too much drama”. I can’t remember if my hurt myself in the moment of that commotion.
And an hour later… Bayo texted me “ please don’t hurt yourself. We can still be friends”.
This was on December 30th 2013 .
My mom came running to my room and found me on the floor wailing. She asked me what happened. I couldn’t even explain but she got the message. My little sister was wiping my tears as she was crying too. I was beyond hurt. And the only thing I could ask God was…why me?
December 31th 2013. I finally summoned courage to reply Bayo and I thanked him for laughing at me. I told him one day he would hear my name somewhere mentioned for greatness.
He said “lol ok.”
That’s how I entered 2014. And oh! I never met Bayo in person.
Guess who is in medical school right now? Me. Guess who has her life together? Oui, c’est correct! It’s me. Who did it all? Baba God noni.
I thank God I can laugh about this now. And this experience taught me that it takes some kind of specific pain for you to cry out to God and He will move mountains just to shame those who are willing to see your downfall. God is good! Say it with me! GOD IS TOO GOOD. In this situation, I cried and cried and cried and wailed.
About 4 weeks later, Bayo followed me on Instagram again but I didn’t follow or say anything. I just thought it was strange. I guess he finally unfollowed me when he saw me post a picture of DFW as per the eagle has landed in America, init.
Just like yesterday… I want to thank Bayo for being such an important personality in my growth process. It’s funny because he did so much damage in the space of 6 weeks. I apologize for all that happened. You’re not a bad person… You just did a bad thing just like everyone else does. It wouldn’t be surprising if I meet you sometime someday… Maybe we could even have a drink or two for old times sake.
Anyways… I’ll tell you all about DF4 tomorrow. A special case indeed.
- The Alpha Female