In Response to Jennifer... @TheNakedConvos
I read your letter and you addressed me as the woman sleeping with your husband. I have a lot to say to you and to be quite frank with you, I shouldn’t be responding to you. Not because I don’t respect you or because of the things your husband as told me about you. I shouldn’t’ be responding to you because I’m not your problem and neither is it my wish to wreck your home. I wasn’t raised to steal husbands, neither do I lack any form of home training. It seems to me that the year 2016 is the year for supposed “homewreckers” and women who , in your unsaid words, “snatch” husbands and boyfriends from their fellow women. Very often we “husband snatchers” are attacked and called all sorts of names by women who have been hurt, family members who don’t understand the magnitude of the situation and friends who base their advice on idealistic views and opinions which are nowhere near reality. If I’m not mistaking… the crux of your letter to me was “Consider me and my children. Leave my husband alone”. In your choice of words I saw anger, hatred… and more importantly I saw a woman who seeks to be justified while the mistress is reprimanded for the failure of her marriage. I chose to write to you because sitting down to talk to you would be a hopeless effort in the sense that you wouldn’t even bother to hear what I have to tell you. So I’ve been very quiet while I bear my shame on my sleeves. You said no matter what I had to say, I am wrong and I will always be the other woman.
Fair enough. But that won’t stop me from telling you the following: I am not your problem and this is why.
When a woman falls in love with a man she usually tends to hold him to her expectations. She expects him to love her back, to be there for her, to care for her and more importantly, to be faithful to her. Her expectations are fastened and solidified when the man in questions takes the vow before God to love her till death do them part. If she’s lucky enough, this said man wouldn’t have to take vows before actually meeting up to her expectations. But here’s the thing: the truth of the matter is that a woman in love tends to forget that her boyfriend (or in your case… husband) has a mind of his own. What am I trying to say? Having an extramarital affair is purely your husband’s choice. Just like you chose to remain faithful to him despite his infidelity, he chose to cheat on you. My father has always told me one thing: a man who is determined to do something cannot be tamed. When I say I’m not your problem or I’m not the one wrecking your home… look at your husband. He chose to come for me. I did not parade myself in front of him. I was on the high way of life when both of our cars broke down and in that instant moment, he chose to forget about you… or rather he chose to break his vows to you.
I read your letter, and I must say you sparked my mind. Maybe you intended to probe my conscience… that didn’t work too well. I already feel your pain when he smiles at me or when he lays his head on my chest and tells me about his dreams and aspirations. My conscience roams around the earth looking for you, his wife, when he kisses me and tells me how much he loves me and how much he wishes things were different. My conscience beats me at night when I turn around in my bed looking for him. And in that moment… I remember he is with you. So I console my heart, take a deep sigh and tell myself : Osas, you deserve better.
I deserve better than your husband and he knows this.
Jennifer, you make it seem like I woke up one morning and decided to wreck your home. I know you want me to pitch my tent elsewhere. But in the midst of your hurt, did you ever stop to ask yourself: how did this happen? What if I told you that I didn’t know about you? What if I told you I didn’t know that he was your husband or that you have children for him? What if I told you I came into this relationship with a very clean mind? What if your husband was lying to me about why he didn’t pick my calls on that fateful Saturday. He said he was working, but now that I found your Instagram page I see it was your birthday. You make it seem like I’m that evil witch trying to separate a man from his children. I’m not… and if he was to leave you for me, which I very much doubt he will, I already know what you will tell your children about me. I grew up in that same setting and it wasn’t until I became an adult that I understood that not everything in this life is black or white. So I know what you will tell them even if I was the most loving stepmother in the world. You will still stir up hatred against me.
You see, Jennifer, after reading your letter I tried to bind logic to my emotions. So I went on my knees to pray. Yes I do pray. I do fear God and He knows my heart. To answer your questions, I know exactly how I would feel if my husband cheated. You can test my biblical knowledge if you want to. For what it’s worth, I only know your husband’s side of the story and I’m sure you wouldn’t want to sit down with me to talk. I know the sight of me disgusts you.
People tend to say that a married man is more attractive because he has been polished by his wife. Let’s agree to disagree. I don’t love your husband because of what he has , his job or even what he looks like. I fell for him because I found companionship in him. Your husband treated me like no man has. He listened to me, cared about my future… And the wisdom that leave his lips are always well received. You see, not all extramarital affairs are purely sexual. It becomes a lot more complicated when genuine feelings are involved. I don’t know what transpired between the two of you. I honestly don’t care to know anymore. But I’ll advise you to trace your step back to when you first met him and fix your home. And if he ever truly loved you, you’ll both get through this tough time.
I’ll stop here.
Jennifer, don’t let the word “mistress” sound the same to you all the time. Some of us didn’t even know what we were getting ourselves into. Some of us already started picturing our lives and futures with these men only for reality to give us a hard knock on the head. Some of us choose to stay because we hope one day we will wake up from a bad nightmare. Some of us think about you, the wives, while we are cuddling up on these men knowing our conscience is killing us. Some of us are just in love. Some of us are confused and everyday seems like a bad day because of the uncertainty in the air. Some of us are not even accepting or getting any financial benefit from whatever this is, simply because we love your husbands. And some others… Just sleep with married men for the fun of it.
I will always love your husband with one leg out of the door.
I sigh deeply.
I’m sorry you see me this way… but Jennifer, I am not your problem. Go home. Face that man and take him back.
Tell your kids aunty O. says hi… I love them… believe it or not.
Happy married life once again.
- - The Alpha Female